The Forgettable Follower

A faithful gardener at the Kenrokuen Gardens in Kanazawa, Japan Picture credit: Nicholaus Strob (Katie’s husband) 

The Forgettable Follower

I am a reformed shy kid. Most people who know me would be surprised by that, I think. I am a middle child, a third born. My two older sisters have the same initials, and my younger sister is 5 years younger than me – and always adorable and memorable. I heard innumerable times growing up from others, “I can always remember Hannah, Heather, and Abigail, they are so cute, but I always seem to forget your name”. At the time, I laughed it off. 

Since then, I’ve gone through more painful times in life--feeling lost in the shuffle, forgotten, not worth the relational effort, or just not important. I still, to this day, cannot watch certain scenes from Cheaper by the Dozen without crying, because of the redheaded boy trying to find his place in his family and in the world. Any other empathy criers out there? 

I am a mother. There have been times I have “lost” myself in giving body and heart to my littles. I’ve felt lonely and insignificant. I am a wife--who too often complains about “the mental load,” the work that goes unnoticed, isn’t visible, or measured. I am a woman. I have felt afraid, minimized, and belittled.

So, I never expected to be moved to write and say this: I have a new spiritual conviction, a goal if you will: to be forgotten. 

I was reading through the Japan Harvest, a magazine published by missionaries, where an article really stirred something in me.  It emphasized that the goal in missionary service shouldn’t be to become a hero, but to model fertilizing the soil. Of course, I knew that in my mind, (Philippians 3:7-9). But the Lord pricked at my heart like guitar strings--maybe there was enough pride in me to still want the credit.   

To be known. 

To have impact.  

To bring waves of unbelieving Japanese people to the throne of God. 

To be significant. 

To have my name in a textbook for some profound strategy I created that brought revival. 

But-- it is not I, but Christ in me.

It is not my (elementary at best), Japanese words, but THE WORD.

I died to myself two decades ago when I asked Jesus to be my Savior. (1 Corinthians 3:5-9; Galatians 2:20-21)

I am weak. 

In a world that promotes strength, success, and constant competence--do you ever get tired, like me? It is freeing to remember that being willing and heartfelt in surrender to Jesus is enough. 

I am qualified because I am insignificant.  I am forgettable, not powerful or of noble birth so that I may boast ONLY in Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross. My message of new life, my words, English and Japanese alike, is that my wisdom or righteousness is from Christ, alone. (1 Cor 1:26-31; 2 Cor 12:9-11) 

I don’t want to be a petty thief, 

trying to pocket scraps of glory that belong to my Lord. 

I don’t need to be remembered, to be lifted up, 

because I have already received the most wonderful gift: to be known. 

As daughters of God, we are known by the only One who truly matters. The One who sees us, knows us, created us. The King of Kings, Lord of Lords, our Friend, our Comforter, our Father, the One who sees us and knows us, who created us, Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 1:3-14)

It is not the most glamorous message you’ve been sold.  But I encourage you to join me. 

I am going to aim to minister, to live my life at home, at church, at play with every intention of being forgotten so that Jesus Christ may be known. 

(I am obviously still a work in progress, not posting this anonymously.)