The Season of Grief

With Christmas on the horizon, it seems like this should be a season full of joy, laughter, and family. After all, this is the season where new life came to earth in the form of our Messiah. It is a season where we anticipate our ultimate gift of salvation. Oftentimes, we can be swept away with the joyful nature of the advent season and fail to recognize that this season can also be one of grief for many surrounding us. 

In December of 2018, the anticipation of the Christmas season wore heavy on my heart. While it seemed like the rest of the world recited, “For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given,” I found myself reciting, “Unto us a child was born, unto us a daughter was given.”  I remember these commonly recited verses from Isaiah 9:6 cutting me to the core and causing my raw heart to sting. Unlike the rest of the world, I was also reciting the words of Job when he said, Job 1:21

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; 

may the name of the Lord be praised.

You see, it had only been 4 months since we had given birth to our precious daughter, Johanna at 31 weeks gestation. Everything about her arrival would have been considered a normal birth. The one major difference was that normally, when a baby is born, it is marked by the cry of the newborn. Our daughter, Jo’s birth was marked by the cry of her mother…me. Her birth was unable to be recognized by the world, simply because her death came before she had the chance to take her first breath. 

That Christmas season brought with it a bittersweet taste. We held a deep love in our hearts for Johanna, but we also knew that pretty soon others would move on and we would appear to have our life “put back together”, whatever that really means after the death of a loved one. 

“I hope that even in the pain of your grief, loss, or life trial, 

you are still able to taste the goodness and

 hope that comes through Jesus’ birth.”

Advent of 2018 came at the perfect time in my grief. I remember being able to relate to the waiting, anticipation and uncertainty. It also came with a great sense of pain, because most of advent revolves around a woman waiting for her newborn child. I waited and I lost. She waited and we gained a Savior.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and

saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Psalms 34:18

As we reflect on advent this year, maybe you find yourself in a place of grief like I did. I encourage you to sit in the waiting, the hurt, and the uncertainty. I also hope that somewhere in that wrestling, you are able to hold fast to the promises God has given us. I hope that even in the pain of your grief, loss, or life trial, you are still able to taste the goodness and hope that comes through Jesus’ birth. 

Practical Tips to Help Yourself Grieve During the Advent Season

• Give yourself permission to feel a wide range of emotions.

• Give yourself liberty to take a break from your normal advent activities. This may mean that there are certain events or traditions that you for-go this year. 

• Remember your loved one in a way that is simple and meaningful to you. 

Tips to Support a Friend Grieving During the Advent Season

• Write your friend a card letting them know that you are thinking of them this advent season. 

• Purchase an ornament in memory of their loved one and gift it to them. 

• Offer your loved one options when it comes to traditional get-to-gethers. If you normally have a large gathering, ask if they would prefer to do something small instead.

• Allow them to share their emotions and avoid pressuring them to feel a certain way. 

• Check-in with them to see how they are doing.